For me, my thoughts and daily activities go together like peanut butter and jelly. Every day I take my walk and see a large maple tree in our neighborhood which has a lot of leaves. I know that no two maple leaves are the same just the way two human beings are not the same. “Just like us human beings”, I mumbled to myself. I keep on comparing my life as the life of a maple leaf. Like the cheerful young maple lime green leaf in spring, I was a young girl with a full moon smile at Pathuria Sahi Puri, India. My life was clearly defined by my family and I followed the rules without many complaints. A leaf spends outdoors soaking up the sun rays and the raindrops. It does not have much choice on how to mold its life. Like her, I often spent my time talking to people in my family and from our lane. I kept on moving around the house to house in our lane to play or doing chores.
The leaf adjusts and adapts to the air currents and feels joy in the ride that is given to her. It feels secure on the tree. I also felt secure at my father’s home growing up with love and care. The leaf willingly becomes a landing pad for insects and birds and lovingly turned her face upward to provide food and shelter for the tree. I have done similar work by becoming a daughter, daughter in law, a wife, and a mother as I grew older.
Fall, is different, for trees. The young green maple leaf has changed color and becoming mature. I have noticed a shift, in the leaves on the trees. Same way now I have noticed a shift in my body and mind. Even my view of the dressing or doing things has changed.
Looking at changes in the leaves brings clarity in my life as well. My life’s journey is now made me mature and older. I am the fall leaf. My body is aging, not as strong nor as reliable and supple as it once was, I welcome the change and wonder how to prepare for what lies ahead.
I notice that some of the leaves on the tree will be brilliant in color, others dull and muted and even others will just dry up. Those dried up ones appear to be hanging on to something that will never be again young. Am I going to be the same as the leaf? I wonder, what determines the radiance of the leaf. Is it the weather, its living condition, or an unknown factor?
This is the fall of my life. My time on the earth is limited. How my life will be finished? Will I go out as the maple leaf in a blaze of color, or cling to the branch for dear life, waiting until I am withered, brown and windblown. Will the people who know me will shout Encore, Encore saddened, and not ready to see me go?
Do leaves have a choice when to go and how to go? Do I have the same choice with my life? Will my life circumstances determine my departure? Not sure. I noticed that my round of walk is done. So I will think about it tomorrow