Author: cmisra11

Dr. Mayadhar Mansingh’s famous book “Hamasasya” is one of my favorite book. I was lucky to know Hema mausi when she visited USA and Canada. We talked many hours by phone and in person about children, life in general. Often, she encouraged me to read books and let my children get good education from great university. We talked about college education in USA since my daughter Seema was at Princeton University and son Bobby was about to go to University of Pennsylvania. Each time we talked about college I used to mention how expensive college education is here. In a nice way mausi used to tell me that I must aim to send Sanjay to Harvard University. I just smiled and said it is not easy to make to Harvard. My answer to her was that most parents wish for it but only few are able to fulfill this.

She never bought my reason but always firmly told me that a mother’s determination help children to focus on getting excellent education and success. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why all her children have achieved awesome higher education. When Sanjay was 10 year old we met Hema mausi at New Delhi. She reminded me that “I must not forget to try hard to send him to Harvard University”. That is the last time we saw her. With grace of universe and hard work Sanjay made to Harvard university for undergraduate study. He worked one year but always wanted to pursue his PhD degree in Economics. Finally, he is awarded his PhD degree from Harvard. When I received the great news today, I thought about Hema mausi a lot. I would have made my first phone call to her and told her that mausi, “Sanjay did it what you wished for him to do”. She is not in our world for me to share this news. When taking my walk, I looked up and saw in the white cloud there was a blue woman with a saree. There she is smiling at me. Maybe it is my scattered imagination. I am sure she would have happy to get this news.

I often think about her a lot when I ponder in my thoughts fondly. She always encouraged me to write my anecdotes which I do most of the time in my FB postings. I wonder if she would have liked them. She was very loving yet can say things bluntly as she sees them. I remember how firmly, with confidence she told me that it is up to mothers to mold their children to do things well no matter how difficult the task is! She did not take no for answer and told me that I must do everything to send my son Sanjay to Harvard. With her blessings, Sanjay’s hard work and kindness of the universe it became possible. Wish she was here to share this happiness with us. I know that she is always watching out for me because she loved me and my family. Sharing picture of Sanjay with my dear “Hema Sasyar Hema Mausi” when he was a baby and at New Delhi when we saw her for the last time.

For me, my thoughts and daily activities go together like peanut butter and jelly. Every day I take my walk and see a large maple tree in our neighborhood which has a lot of leaves. I know that no two maple leaves are the same just the way two human beings are not the same. “Just like us human beings”, I mumbled to myself. I keep on comparing my life as the life of a maple leaf. Like the cheerful young maple lime green leaf in spring, I was a young girl with a full moon smile at Pathuria Sahi Puri, India. My life was clearly defined by my family and I followed the rules without many complaints. A leaf spends outdoors soaking up the sun rays and the raindrops. It does not have much choice on how to mold its life. Like her, I often spent my time talking to people in my family and from our lane. I kept on moving around the house to house in our lane to play or doing chores.

The leaf adjusts and adapts to the air currents and feels joy in the ride that is given to her. It feels secure on the tree. I also felt secure at my father’s home growing up with love and care. The leaf willingly becomes a landing pad for insects and birds and lovingly turned her face upward to provide food and shelter for the tree. I have done similar work by becoming a daughter, daughter in law, a wife, and a mother as I grew older.

Fall, is different, for trees. The young green maple leaf has changed color and becoming mature. I have noticed a shift, in the leaves on the trees. Same way now I have noticed a shift in my body and mind. Even my view of the dressing or doing things has changed.

Looking at changes in the leaves brings clarity in my life as well. My life’s journey is now made me mature and older. I am the fall leaf. My body is aging, not as strong nor as reliable and supple as it once was, I welcome the change and wonder how to prepare for what lies ahead.

I notice that some of the leaves on the tree will be brilliant in color, others dull and muted and even others will just dry up. Those dried up ones appear to be hanging on to something that will never be again young. Am I going to be the same as the leaf? I wonder, what determines the radiance of the leaf. Is it the weather, its living condition, or an unknown factor?

This is the fall of my life. My time on the earth is limited. How my life will be finished? Will I go out as the maple leaf in a blaze of color, or cling to the branch for dear life, waiting until I am withered, brown and windblown. Will the people who know me will shout Encore, Encore saddened, and not ready to see me go?

Do leaves have a choice when to go and how to go? Do I have the same choice with my life? Will my life circumstances determine my departure? Not sure. I noticed that my round of walk is done. So I will think about it tomorrow