Category: Family

I can’t believe that it has been 51 years since we got married. It was an arranged marriage orchestrated by our two families. Not sure how we both are so different and yet joined hands and stepped up to the most challenging, invigorating, inspiring, thrilling, yet delightful and heavenly job on earth, a marriage which has lasted so well.

He came to our home to see me in response to a marriage proposal put forth by my fourth brother-in-law (who was his older brother). I did not like that he came to see me with a jute-bag full of coconuts from his village near Sakshi Gopal. I was hoping a foreign returned person will come at least with a fancier bag. We were left alone for a few minutes to make a conversation. He was an introvert. I am an extrovert who strikes up a conversation with strangers. After serving him tea and snacks my only question to him was that if I can finish my college. I wanted to finish and earn a B.A degree. His answer was if I wish to, then I can, why not? That is it. I got excited about the possibility of getting a degree after my marriage with him. I fell in love with him and prayed to Goddess RamChandi that please Ma, let him say “yes” to marry me. Soon after, with few exchange of talk between my dad and brother-in-law, it happened. My brother-in-law played a big role, saying to him that I can adjust to any situation. Since he was not looking for anything extraordinary but a suitable life partner, they all agreed that my marriage was settled with him. Within the next few weeks, an early date for the marriage ceremony was settled, since no other good days were there as per our almanac. That day was 4th June 1969
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After that day, I started my journey with my husband with the blessings of elders. I was 95 lb. and eighteen years old when I got married. We both did not have mothers and came from very middle-class families. So getting a stomach full of home-cooked food like fish, meat, fruits, and a nice three-room flat with running water was good enough for us. I remember going to a movie hall and sitting in the balcony for the first time with him. I pinched myself and the leather seat to see if it was true!!! With time we had two children who brought joy to us and we became a family. Giving them good education became main focus. We worked hard for that together. Today’s post is really about acknowledging the blessings that universe has bestowed upon us. We received a lot of love, trust, and support from our family members and friends. As I reflect back on this event every memory brings a smile to my face, which has strengthened our marriage as time goes by. I still have feelings that bring love and more commitment to our marriage every day. I developed a good deal of independence being with him, Personally, I am certainly blessed to have a life partner who has demonstrated tremendous sacrifices, courage, inner strength, and confidence, not only in creating opportunities for himself but also in providing leadership to our family that has made a difference. Indeed, I really feel heard, understood, and respected by him. This makes me confident and falls in love with him even more as we get older.

In 1977 we opted to immigrate to the USA in order to give our family a better opportunity. We since have a younger son who was born here. All our three children have graduated from esteemed colleges and are working in their field of choice. Today, I remember how loving and kind my husband has been to me all these years. His feeling has not changed since June 4th, 1969. With a promise to love and care in good and bad times we started our life together, thinking that it was destiny for us to marry each other with the blessing of our family and God. For a lasting union, it is mentioned that there must be genuine care, respect, and empathy for each other. I would say that I am truly blessed to have all these in my life. I reflected all the good advice he has given me over the years, which shaped me to be what I am today. People celebrate their special day in many different ways. Some celebrate going to their favorite restaurant, vacationing at their favorite place, and/or exchanging presents. Some people throw a big party for this occasion and celebrate with family and friends. Since I am a lover of words, nothing more will please me than process my thoughts with words like this for you all. For me at least, it’s only through words, I can express my feelings more clearly. Penning my thoughts is an expression of totality for me. I celebrate this special day with my words which may be different for many.

A song from my heart, Amaro Porano Jaha Chay ( Rabindra Sangeet) || Maithili Thakur

https://youtu.be/kGSDNCaR1WU  (Caring for each other is most important)

It’s Election Day. The 2020 races are dominating headlines, but it’s important to vote today in local and state elections. This morning my husband reminded me that our voting booth has changed and I must go to the correct place. I thought how much he cares to let me know small thing like this, which is important to me. Many of my friends here often asked me how we deal with our arranged marriage and how it works. I don’t have any specific answer for them since all most everybody did that in my time at India. I tell them that we care for each other and learn to convert our care into love with time. While walking I thought it is true that he does care for me and our family a lot like many people. That is the glue to our long marriage and my willingness to stay married to him when I come back to this earth again since I believe in recantation as per my Hindu religious belief. So for me caring and respecting the person is an important element in marriage than having any other material.

My writing is from my scattered thoughts, but often come accompanied by my experience about who we are. This is about a mother who feels when her son is young and older and tries to make things better for her child.

It sure was a gift to have my son Sanjay, born here (in the USA) after a long time. We had two children born in India and then we migrated to the USA. I was only 20 yr. old and had two children. When I got pregnant with Sanjay, I was mature enough to know what motherhood means and how much work is involved to be a mom without the support of my extended family. I had family members to help me when my two older children were born.

I felt love and pride in having Sanjay born here. At the same time, I was fearful of Sanjay growing up as a brown boy. It always compelled me to think about how his life will be here. As a first-generation immigrant mother, I struggled with the thought of just how much he will face the ugliness and unfairness that is encountered by many young children because of their color. I was also joyful thinking of the opportunity he would have grown up here. In public school, he can play any sports and take music lessons free as a boy. No need to be born rich to have all these extra activities like in India when we were growing up. So I hoped for the best and kept exposing him to various activities like playing sports and taking part in the orchestra with the study.

I trusted that everything will be O.K if I can just do my best and tell him about his heritage. I tried to tell him the reason we migrated to this vibrant land and kept an intact, loving family around him. I have always used the art of storytelling or passing down information, knowledge, and wisdom in creative ways that helped him to know about our heritage, culture, and the country where we came from. I have used stories to pass on knowledge and advice on how to live an honest and better life. It reminds me of a story I used to tell him when he played the position of goalkeeper in soccer (football in the rest of the world) from the age of 4 till he was in high school. When little Sanjay started playing, he often asked me who I know played goalkeeper position as an example. I never played or saw many sports growing up back home. I had no one but to pull out the names from our mythology character dear monkey God Hanuman and Bhimsen. Hanuman is the supreme keeper who saved many obstacles from difficult situations in our Hindu scripture and always remains strong with his hand as the goalkeeper must in a soccer game. Somehow Sanjay liked my story and always prayed to Hanuman before he starts at the goal post in a game.

Bhimsen is a character in our scripture Mahabharat who is well known for his passion. He was big and strong as a child and an adult. He was passionate about food. He often found a way to reach out to the food even in darkness. His hands used to reach where the food was kept even in darkness. I told the story to Sanjay how Lord Bhimsen could find food in dark without light in the dark kitchen. So the key for him was to do things where he has passion and it will be easily done. This way he will do things with joy rather than being compelled to do.. We also talked to be strong by eating all food and stay calm as Lord Hanuman used to do. He remained calm and used to jump to catch the ball like our monkey God. I don’t know but as a mother, I felt good that I was able to answer his questions from my resource.

I also sang a lullaby to him and talked about our extended family. Often I described where we are from and told him about our big family. How we all live together in an extended family enjoying aunts, uncles besides parents. One popular lullaby was Oh, moon uncle you come and play ball with my son here since he has no uncle, aunt in our migrated country to play with.

I enjoy writing this story from my memory and wish my son good luck whatever he opts to do in his life.

Sarita  (Kuni) is an Indian feminine given name meaning “a river”. It is also one of the many names of the Hindu goddess Durga who is the stronges among all God and Goddess. Since she is the youngest child in my sister’s house we all called her as “Kuni” the lttle girl. While walking today I tried to concentrate my thoughts on Kuni my niece. She is a gift whose worth can’t be measured except by the feelings in my heart. I came to know her ever since she was born since I used to visit my sister in summer and other time.

As time passed I saw her more since I married her uncle. Our bond became more strong since I became Khudi as well as mausi. We spent lots of good and bad time together.  I often felt her caring nature and how much she does when I visit my sister’s home (her mom’s home). She has travelled even 6x back and forth from her house to my sister’s home just to make sure that I am doing O.K and have everything as I need. I feel very fortunate to have my nephew; nieces make me feel so loved. She is a little bit of my childhood that is never lost no matter where I live or how old I am. I am dedicating two songs for her today because she is related 2x to me. She is the youngest and the best. So one song dedicated for her being a child and the other one as she grew up. Please enjoy.

Abhimanini Ei, Amania Dheu by Arati Mukherjee; Edited by Sujit Madhual

Lakdi Ki Kaathi – “लकड़ी की काठी काठी पे घोडा”

It is bit crisp today when I took my walk. Generally, I think about my family back home and try to concentrate my thoughts what or about whom I will post in FB. I have been thinking to write about Reema my eldest sister’s granddaughter ever since she was a baby. She has visited me every time I went to India. Thanks to her parents Buni and Subhra. When children are older they may opt not to come and see me but that was not the case with Reema. She came each time and smile without getting much chance to talk to us (no body has a chance to talk when we Satpathy family get together). What a beautiful angel she is, who touches everyone’s hearts with her warm and affable nature!

As her grandmother I will say that she is truly a “pari”, and we feel humbled by her presence! She radiates positivity by meeting me always and leaving a warm lingering presence behind!!An only child to her parents that to when all her uncles have sons, she is reserved yet chirpy and vivacious—she is somebody I am proud of!!! I am also very proud that my nephew Buni and his wife Subhra who have brought her up to know us which is an important social skill we all long to have with our children since extended fy is not there. So long my dear granddaughter Reema. I feel your presence just the way I feel the cool breeze of Bay of Bengal and U still smile at me just like the jasmine flower of our back yard. With love I dedicate today’s post to you. The picture was taken here and the song is chosen for you by my beautiful, fun loving, smart niece #Moonmoon. Stay happy,healthy and close to all of us.